15) The fact that the Walmart on Townline Road has a Subway in it that sells tacos.
14) M.A.S.H, but only the TV show. I like the movie.
13) Dropping my keys in a sewer grating
12) Civil War ghosts will haunt my house.
11) Little dogs.
10) That Dan will be pointing at my eye and an earthquake will strike and he will be jolted into poking out my eye.
9) Neanderthal babies, specifically that somehow instead of having a regular baby I will have a Neanderthal baby. In my eyes, this will occur because I have some weird, recessive Neanderthal gene that has been dormant in my bloodline for 600,000 years.
8) That I will become so overcome by the smell of my ex-landlord’s BO, that I will pass out in our backyard and he will drag my unconscious body into his apartment and have his way with me.
7) Any rhyme or limerick that is meant to deter bathroom patrons from sloppy urination.
6) Cloned livestock.
5) That the nation of China will find out how much I hate them.
4) That I will be putting holes in a potato in prep for making a baked potato and someone will jump out of the pantry and I will stab my hand.
3) That I will be receiving communion at Church, but instead of the priest putting Eucharist in my mouth he accidentally inserts a peacock’s feather.
2) That despite all my efforts I will develop not just a fupa, but the *largest and best fupa the world has ever seen. (* in width, height, and girth).
1) That science will team up with ESPN and isolate all of the things my husband finds compelling about sports and fantasy sports and embody them into a marketable, robot girlfriend casing that costs $100 or less.
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ReplyDeleteI love these.
ReplyDeleteNeanderthals supposedly were 2-3 times stronger than humans. Although ugly, your child would be useful when it comes to household chores.
ReplyDeleteScott
Boomer has a FUPA. I feel sad for him.
ReplyDelete