Oh that’s right… because I have a vagina.
If there is one thing Israel has taught me it’s that God totally hates me and all other women. Now I know some of you readers out there are of the lesser gender so I’ll take it slow as not to "box" you out of the conversation. Get it? Me neither. But seriously, I’ll take it step-by-step just because I’m certain your minds are too menses-ed to think of anything except flowers.
FACT 1: Many religious men will not shake a woman’s hand.
That’s right. I got goddamn Midol all over the place. Like a total butthole.
FACT 2: In some traditional temples, women have to sit behind the men and then BEHIND a half wall as services are being held.
If there is one thing Israel has taught me it’s that God totally hates me and all other women. Now I know some of you readers out there are of the lesser gender so I’ll take it slow as not to "box" you out of the conversation. Get it? Me neither. But seriously, I’ll take it step-by-step just because I’m certain your minds are too menses-ed to think of anything except flowers.
FACT 1: Many religious men will not shake a woman’s hand.
And thank God they won’t! This is an illustration of what happened one time when I tried to shake a Rabbi’s hand.
That’s right. I got goddamn Midol all over the place. Like a total butthole.
FACT 2: In some traditional temples, women have to sit behind the men and then BEHIND a half wall as services are being held.
Once again, thank Gody God. Think of what would happen if my eyes saw the front of a man’s head as he was listening to ancient references!!!!!!!!!! Truly the words from 3000 years ago would lose their direct applicability to these modern times. Plus this might happen:
That's right. I might get goddamn Midol all over sacred documents.
FACT 3: When at the Western Wall, women must be separated from the men. i.e. I have to pray in a small, lady-only praying pen
I totally get this one. I mean, what if our prayers got mixed together?! See illustration of time when my prayers infected a man’s prayers.
Conclusion:
God isn't here so I'm really glad these kind messengers are around to tell me exactly what he wants and thinks! And, really, who am I to nay say? I’m the self-loathingest broad to broad it up. Seems that me and this God character see eye to eye. Thank you, for reinforcing his will, dignified-men-of-tiny-hats-and big-hygenic-shortcomings!
this was great my friend.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit I don't know what Midol is but this sure is funny anyway.
ReplyDeleteso you had a good time i presume.
ReplyDeletei freakin' LOVE your drawings! the rabbi's hand looks like it got caught in a meat grinder; you have E.T. fingers; your midol laser eye beams are inspirational; and a drag queen would kill for those eyelashes. i want to make a comic book with you!
p.s thanks for the little hat
this was fabulous.
ReplyDelete