Aging Children and Extreme Physical Challenge: DAY EIGHT

You know why we rarely find missing children? Because photorealistic renderings of missing children are majorly flawed. For those of you who don't know, photorealistic renderings are often used to create up-to-date images of children that have been missing for a number of years. You can find these pictures on milk cartons (if you live in the 70s) and in ValuPak coupon envelopes (if you live in the present). Here is an example:

Photorealistic renderings are completely useless because they don't reflect current trends. Here are the three most obvious kid-trends that need to be accounted for:

1. We have totally insane obesity rates. All updated photos should have the kids AT LEAST 50 lbs overweight.

2. Funny hat sales are at an all time high (4000% increase from 1989).
3. Most kids I see are standing in the worst possible spots on the planet (like blocking me from swiftly entering my office, the train, or my local planned parenthood). All artist renderings of missing children should have them blocking an entrance of some sort.

Watch and learn, scientists:Also, here is a picture of a horse:

As you can see, I tried it in Paint today.

Horse Biography (This will only make sense to Maria Lewis):
This is Mary the Trainer Jr. Her father is mullet man (no one knows what they're feeding him). Her mother is Kyle from Pierce dining hall. Some say she has a mom haircut, but we all know she has a dad haircut.