Friday, July 30, 2010

Cyber Bullies (Still on Horse Drawing Hiatus)

I saw this newspaper headline the other day:

New Law Cracks Down on Cyber Bullies

You know what’s more terrifying than a text-based voice LOLing at your deepest darkest insecurities until you cry?- An flesh-based bully farting on your personal pan pizza in the middle of the lunchroom. As a member of an old school, body-based bully battalion I say “come on U.S. Government! Where’s our parade?!” We are working our asses off throwing dung filled water bottles at nerds, dweebs, and the ever resilient buttholes and you’re giving our internet based counterparts all the attention. How about drafting up a law against us so we have a physical challenge? Or are you glasses-upped government folks too sissy to do anything about it? Just wait, Obama. I’m going to super fart in your presidential pan pizza during sixth period lunch next week. You just wait.

TIME OUT!

Pardon my absence. Something came up. See below for an artist's rendering.
I'll be back with 10 horse drawings on August 10th.
Later,
Rachel

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Extreme Physical Challenge: DAY ELEVEN

Here is today's inspirational image:


The inspirational song: Wilco's Handshake Drugs

Now, the drawing:


Click to enlarge.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Extreme Physical Challenge: DAY TEN

Here is today's inspirational image:
On to my rendition. Note, time spent: 345 seconds.

Now that I'm using my eyes and ears (see DAY NINE), I've decided to kick it up a notch and use my nose as well. Today's scent was Ortego taco sauce. Notice the spicy hat.

Today's inspirational sound was Squeeze Box by The Who, specifically the line, "Mama has a squeeze box she wears on her chest. When daddy comes home he never gets no rest." The rest of picture is pretty self-explanatory. The only qualification I need to offer is that I am incapable of drawing an accordion. I substituted a piano. I think it still works.

Oh, also I suck at drawing the human form. I made the dad's body iceskates. I think it still works.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Extreme Physical Challenge: DAY NINE aka Questions Rise and Horses Fall

Here is today's inspiration: And, day 9's results: Time spent: 61 seconds
Comments: Now that I'm using my eyes before drawing (i.e. looking at a picture of a horse), life is boring. I mean, where's the physical challenge?! The great news is I rediscovered it; I started using my eyes AND MY EARS while drawing. This morning I put my MP3 player on shuffle and drew a horse while listening to the first song that came up. It just so happened that Love Boat Captain by Pearl Jam was the lucky winner. Odds are you are either unfamiliar with/hate this song. All you need to know is its sentimental and one of the lyrics includes the word "insurmountable." I got to thinking, what would a horse be like if he were sentimental and difficult to mount? That drawing is what I came up with. Please appreciate the pain in Sir Insurmountable's eyes. He's thinking about oats, lost oats, and oat-based betrayals. But who isn't these days? Especially in this economy. Speaking of the economy, do economy sized vehicles shrink and grow based on the state of the economy? If not, I feel we should rename them. It's misleading. Speaking of the word "misleading," if I were a feminist I would say Mister-leading. That would be my only feminist action. I'd be on the "change that one word" platform of feminism.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Aging Children and Extreme Physical Challenge: DAY EIGHT

You know why we rarely find missing children? Because photorealistic renderings of missing children are majorly flawed. For those of you who don't know, photorealistic renderings are often used to create up-to-date images of children that have been missing for a number of years. You can find these pictures on milk cartons (if you live in the 70s) and in ValuPak coupon envelopes (if you live in the present). Here is an example:


Photorealistic renderings are completely useless because they don't reflect current trends. Here are the three most obvious kid-trends that need to be accounted for:

1. We have totally insane obesity rates. All updated photos should have the kids AT LEAST 50 lbs overweight.
2. Funny hat sales are at an all time high (4000% increase from 1989).
3. Most kids I see are standing in the worst possible spots on the planet (like blocking me from swiftly entering my office, the train, or my local planned parenthood). All artist renderings of missing children should have them blocking an entrance of some sort.

Watch and learn, scientists:Also, here is a picture of a horse:

As you can see, I tried it in Paint today.

Horse Biography (This will only make sense to Maria Lewis):
This is Mary the Trainer Jr. Her father is mullet man (no one knows what they're feeding him). Her mother is Kyle from Pierce dining hall. Some say she has a mom haircut, but we all know she has a dad haircut.

Extreme Physical Challenge: DAY SIX & DAY SEVEN

Day 6 and Day 7 brought very different results. First, here is day 6's.
I know what you're thinking... WTF. That stands for Whatta Top Filly. Can you believe I did that without a picture to reference?! Great news everyone, that horse took 6 seconds to draw!

Here are the results for day 7. First, the inspiration:


Now my drawing:


I bet you're thinking the rollerblades on this horse are a total fail. Find me the other half of that picture and prove to me there aren't rollerblades and I'll concede. Now who has a physical challenge?

Monday, July 19, 2010

Skydiving Theories + Extreme Physical Challenge: DAY FIVE

I know I write a lot about babies. I do it because babies are foreign to me and I’m a "curious Cathy." (NOTE TO SELF: Look up whether that’s a phrase people say. If not, take out a patent. (NOTE TO SELF WITHIN A NOTE TO SELF: Find out if you can take patents out on words and phrases)). Anywho, here is another baby related blog post.

I implore a baby owner to take their baby skydiving. I really, really want to know if they’d cry. I have some theories.

Theory 1:
A baby would NOT cry. Babies are so unobservant they wouldn’t notice they were in the sky.

Theory 2:
Even if they did cry, it would be unrelated to the fact they are diving through the sky. They cry about juice almost constantly; Too much of it, not enough of it. Juice is to babies as Vietnam is to hippies.

In sum, PLEASE TAKE A BABY SKYDIVING. Tell me if it cries. If it does, tell me whether you think it had anything to do with the sky. As far as I know most of their problems are land-based.

Best,
Rachel

Also, here is a drawing of a horse. Its on my friend Manno’s arm. I did it without using my eyes because I was participating in a staring contest.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Extreme Physical Challenge- DAY FOUR

Here is day four's attempt. First, the breathtaking inspiration:
Now, my drawing. Note time spent: 35 seconds


Self Critique: Not god awful. I think it is because I actually looked at a picture of a horse today. Additionally, I spent more than 15 seconds trying. If you look back on my other drawings you will notice none of those horses have ears. You may ask, did you forget to draw them? ANSWER: no! I forgot they had them. I wish that weren't true, but it is.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Extreme Physical Challenge- DAY THREE

Here is day three's attempt. First the inspiration:


Now, my drawing. Note, time spent: 14 seconds

Self Critique: Things obviously took a turn for the worse. This is awful. His mane looks stupid. His tail looks like a butt waterfall. It took me two seconds longer than yesterday. Let's hope that things on the horse drawing front improve tomorrow!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Extreme Physical Challenge- DAY TWO

Here is day two's attempt. First the inspiration:
Then, my drawing. Note, time spent: 12 seconds



I would say I've made limited progress. I'm going faster, but I'm not getting better... I guess the mane has more of a wind-blown look which I think is an improvement. However, I forgot to color in the hooves.

I wish I had more attention to horse details. And so it goes...

Monday, July 12, 2010

Extreme Physical Challenge

For some reason I suck at drawing horses. Maybe it's because I have no artistic background. Maybe its because I don't try to look at a picture of a horse when I draw one. Maybe its because I've never spent more than 20 seconds trying. Whatever the reason it needs to stop. I'm giving myself 30 days to become a world class horse drawer. I'll post the daily results of this thrilling physical challenge for your enjoyment and/or outrage!

Here is DAY ONE:

Time spent: 16 seconds


Friday, July 9, 2010

Dear Internetie

I’ve spent many of the best hours of my life messing with people on Yahoo Answers. Here is a question I asked yesterday:

One minute later, I received this response:This was one of many concerned bystanders. I decided to ignore all of their dissension and named Paul Buraeu's answer the "best answer." See below.

Naturally I felt indebted to the yahoo community. I decided to remove my "asking" cap to put on my "answering" beanie. I was immediately drawn to this question:

I leaped into action.

I was on fire! I jumped at the opportunity to answer another compelling question:

My response was as follows:
Please note, I included the Queen of Convenience's entry because it epitomizes the 9 other responses to this question, save mine.

It was an amazing day. I ended up answering 10 more questions. I was the g.d. bee's knees!... until I came across the greatest question ever posed on Yahoo Answers! Tune in next week for that story, sirs and ma'ams!