Dear Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California,
Colorado, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas,
Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana,
Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Nevada, North Carolina, North
Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina,
South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, West Virginia, Wisconsin,
Wyoming:
You should definitely secede from the union because running
away from home always results in the best possible outcome. Think of your
childhood and all the times you ran away from home and ended up being totally
right.
Just as you were right then, you are right now. I mean think
of all the documentaries that bode well for a runaway’s success. Case and point: The movie Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey.
Those dogs ran away from home (or something (who knows (I mean who can
remember))) and they ended up being adorable and sounding like Michael J
Fox. Whereas in the movie Home Alone, the boy stays home and two pedophiles
break into his house. Staying a part
of the union will result in two pedophiles breaking into your states on
freaking Christmas. Is anything sacred anymore?
Secession should be easy. Sure you don’t have a “plan” or
“currency” but you have an electronic petition which means you have electricity
and really what more do you need in this day and age? I mean, you have little
else already and you’re getting by. Plus, once you aren’t American think of all
the money you’ll make off of American tourism, especially you, Arkansas!
In closing I’d like to wish you good luck in your efforts.
You represent what America is all about.
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