Digression

I know a person who has no income, no original ideas, and no discernible skills. They are hands down the worst listener I’ve ever encountered. I would say the only things they are skilled at is TAKING & NEEDING.

This person I speak of is…. EVERY. BABY. EVER.

Babies are non-contributors to modern society. There are no baby writers or philosophers or scientists yet they are highly valued. People are outraged when a baby isn’t provided with optimal living conditions.

What a waste of optimal living conditions. I mean, you could put a baby on the top of a skyscraper, precariously teetering right at the edge for several hours, and then check back with them 20 years later and be like "Hey, man, you cool?" And they would be like "Yeah, why?" and you would be like, "Well, I left you on top of the Willis Tower for 5 hours, 19 years ago." And that grown baby would be like, "Oh I don’t remember that. Want a pretzel?" You'd say, "Sure. How refreshing." You'd eat the pretzel. Then you would ask, "Where did you buy these? They're so fresh." The grown baby would tell you Jewel. You would later go to Jewel and look for the same pretzels but they would be sold out. You'd consider buying a different brand of pretzels, but then suddenly realize you forgot your wallet at your friend Steve's house.