In case I explode...

Electronic will time!!!!!

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to survive the trip I'm currently on. Its cool, man. I accomplished pretty much everything I wanted to last weekend. I had a super productive Saturday. I mean, I made and then consumed an entire pie in 12 minutes!!!

In case I do die, I wanted to leave you all with some parting words and some pretty hard core demands/threats. For one thing, one of you mothers better publish my poetry. All of it. Especially the one about the hippo with low self-esteem.

Secondly, I need to say that I loved a few of you more dearly than I ever said while some of you I hated more deeply than I ever thought was humanly possible. In fact, I was planning on killing most of you. See diagram.

Lastly, you better believe I'm haunting you, HILARY HAMILTON. Good luck sleeping when you got me softly and sweetly singing the Golden Girls theme song in your ear every night.

Halloween themed blog post. Halloween themed blog post

Very recently I was reminded of Halloween and now I'm in costume planning mode. As many of you know, my costume agenda is to stick it to the man. I've identified the most effective means of doing so and its represented by the following super scientific equation.

Wear a slutty outfit that's totally retarded + 0 = wear a slutty outfit that's totally retarded

I know its a bit early to be planning for Halloween, but, as some of you may know, I am no scientist so I gots to get the old think blob a-cracking. Alrightie, folks, here's what I have so far. Your feedback is much appreciated.

1. Slutty Professor Mullet: Some of you may know about my love affair with this idea. Its a triple whammy. I'm slutty, but I'm an intellectual who happens to have a mullet. Think about it. Tweed jacket, mini skirt, monocle, & mullet. Fucking confusingly beautiful.

2. Slutty captain crunch: Self-explanatory.

3. Slutty morbidly obese upper body lady: Super fat arms with mini skirt.

4. Slutty Fetus: Will require full nudity and access to umbilical cordish materials.... and human blood. Also, will need protection from pro-choicers who will certainly want to abort me.

Blog Posts are No Contest

The following is a completely true story:

I was driving the other day and a sign caught my eye. It looked like this:

"Safety is no contest."
Eileen Wilson (grade 6)
Safety Contest Slogan Winner 2008

Before I go into the girl genius that is Eileen Wilson, I must say that the judges of this safety contest didn't think through the fact that you have to know the slogan was generated from a contest to understand why anyone would be linking safety to a contest.

On to Eileen Wilson. That broad has it all figured out. When trying to think of a slogan, just say something isn't the thing that it’s clearly not!! It’s that easy. Here's an ad I just came up with for toaster strudel.

Toaster Strudel: It’s not Monkey Bars!
Rachel Lada (grade 20)

PracticalRuleMaker

If you ask me the first rule of Fight Club should be don't bring any freaking babies*.




*I mean literal babies.