Back in the early 90s, local television news began warning us that African, killer bees were migrating from Mexico into the United States. They were moving at a rate of 1 mile a day! We had anywhere from 6 to 48 months to live.
Naturally, I was terrified of these African-Mexican-American bees. Unfortunately, this fear ruined a rather sexy relationship with my kindergarten classmate Dikembe Carlos Smith Sr. as I became suspicious of anyone that was born in Africa, raised in Mexico, and recently assimilated to America.
This morning was exactly 6900 days after I first heard of killer bees. It was 6899 days since I ended my saucy affair with Dikembe Carlos Smith Sr. I decided to research Killer Bees to see why I'm not dead. Per Wikipedia, Killer Bees were not projected to make it past Kansas City on account of the unbearable climate in places further north than KC.
This morning I realized that I believed local news programs and I.got.burned. Here are all the things from the morning news that I believed but am now questioning:
1. That salads have hidden calories.
2. That coffee is bad for me.
3. That coffee is good for me.
4. That the animated dancing baby video is hilarious.
5. That it would rain on March 3rd 2001.
6. That busy moms can multitask by bench pressing their newborn babies.
7. That a beautiful and trendy centerpiece can be constructed out of pebbles from my backyard, water, and a fish bowl.
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