Censorshit

Dan just informed me that the Chicago Tribune censors the word "fart." Here's the context:

Mark Anderson might be the worst (gas-passer) ever. He takes these protein shakes, so he smells like little babies do.

Who are you censoring that for? Children? Really? You think kids learn about farting by reading the paper. This just in Chicago Tribune: You're dumb as vaca caca.

Or maybe you are censoring it because you paper chaps are trying to transfer your high society moralist view to us street urchins. Well listen Thurston Howell the IIIs, I hope you explode.

What's the big deal with the word fart? I can think of much more offensive replacements. Here she blows:

crap cloud
fecal vapor
reverse anus deodorant
poo puffs
a visit from Uncle Shitbreath

Getting Ahead Without Giving It

The best way to obtain the upper hand at work is to belittle your boss's appearance. Follow these 3 easy steps:

Step 1: Your boss says you are crappy at your job. Respond with "Well maybe I would be better if you didn't look like the Pringles guy."

Step 2: Your boss tells you calling her the Pringles guy was out of line. You say "Maybe you wouldn't look like the Pringles guy if you didn't look like the Pringles guy."

Step 3: Stick your hand out and ask for a raise. Cash. All unmarked bills. Tell her to not trip the alarm or you'll kill her family.