Monday, January 24, 2011

Curputerz!

Back in the day houses only had like 4 windows. If you wanted to avoid the outside world you'd simply have to not stand by 2 foot squares of glass.
Nowadays 99% of houses have more than 4 windows. There is more potential to outdoor exposure than ever. I cleverly manage this with blinds. Despite my best window management efforts, the outdoors are forcing their way into my home via a new kind of window, the internet browser window. This one is harder to cover not because its a highly addictive portal to fun and adventure, but because science has yet to invent a computer curtain. UNTIL NOW!! Introducing Curputerz- Curtainz, for Computerz that Need Curtainz!


Don't you want to shield your non-blind family members from seeing the outside world? Well you should because if you don't use Blindz today you and your family (blind and non-blind members) will smell bad. That's right. You smell bad without this product. I once read some of the most effective ad campaigns make you think you unknowingly smell bad and they tell you (non-deafs only) everyone else secretly thinks you are rancid. So yeah, all that applies to this new product. Maybe that trick doesn't work because I told you. So what? Maybe you don't work because you're addicted to the internet. Wait, that's not true. You don't work because you're lazy. All apologies.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

A Fact Heavy Post

Fact 1/1:
When you are alive and imperfect there is no course of corrective action you can take to avoid criticisms of your personal appearance.
People don’t enter the public sphere because their nose is perfect and their hat is timeless. Instead, they go outside because they need medicine, sunshine, and strap perfects.
Face and head area criticisms are especially confusing to me because they aren’t explicitly solicited. I mean, if face/head ownership were a trial, the opening argument isn’t “I’m beautiful” so the rebuttal of “No, you’re not” is unwarranted. The true opening argument to the head/face ownership case is:

Sometimes folks criticize a person’s “inner beauty.” Inner beauty is a term people use to make non-models feel good about themselves or to make models feel bad about themselves. Inner beauty is an even more inferior judgment criterion because it’s evaluated without an extensive knowledge of a person’s swagger. It's a worse judgment point than outer beauty because someone’s face is someone’s face is someone’s face. If you’re going to judge it, you simply have to look at what's in front of you. Unless you’re attempting to do so during a SARs outbreak.
But a person’s inner beauty is difficult to assess thoroughly. All inner beauty judgments made without at least 4 months of observational research are irrelevant.

In sum, always wait until SARs outbreaks subside before judging a person’s face, if the SARs outbreak is still occurring in your hometown, move- your local medical staff is incompetent, and don’t judge anyone’s inner beauty unless they steal your strap perfects four months straight.